Becoming a Yogi

It was a Tuesday afternoon in July. I had hit a wall that morning. Like a big wall. I hit my lowest point and finally admitted that I was facing postpartum depression. I came home from some alone time and my amazing husband (who is oh so sweet and smart) suggested and encouraged that I try out a yoga class. A friend had been posting photos of her yoga journey and I had been making comments about how I thought I would enjoy it and I had been looking into local studios. 

So I went against every thought in my head and I put on my yoga pants and got in my car and drove to a yoga studio... what a terrifying moment for a super introvert who was depressed. 

some of my thoughts on my drive...

I’ve never done yoga before

I don’t know how to do yoga

Who will be there

Did I wear the right clothes

I don’t even have a mat

What if everyone is a professional yogi

Anyone else get super anxious when going to a new studio or gym? What a scary feeling.

 

Grayson and Finley were so excited to try out my mat when I got home. 

I thought to myself “I should just turn around” about a million times on my way there. But I somehow found the courage to walk into that studio, by my lonesome, introverted self, and I attended my first hot yoga class (of course finding a spot in the back of the room, by the wall). I cried, I sweat, I pushed myself, and I fell in love with the practice of yoga. 

I found something for myself. Something to look forward to. I remember the amazing teacher talking about finding your mantra, your “I am” statement. I remember repeating (in my head) over and over again for that entire hour and 15 minutes, “I am enough, I am a good mom”. 

Most of the classes that I have attended with this particular teacher have brought me to tears - emotional, overwhelmed tears - good tears. 

Yoga has become such an amazing outlet for me. It’s an escape, and a grounding place for me that brings me back to who I am and what I was created for. It’s a place of prayer and meditation for me.  I am so thankful for those encouraging words from my husband that day to just go. I still feel intimidated and anxious some days, and I am far from being 'good' at yoga, but I'm learning more and more that it's not something that you're good at. It's a way of breath and of life. I walk away feeling empowered and strong. I have come to love the practice and I am so excited for many more hours on my mat. 

Sincerley, Loo