First Birthday

I'm not sure how it's possible, but we have a 1 year old.

My beautiful baby boy is a whole year old. He is full of joy and is so sweet and loving.

The kisses, the snuggles, the waves... he is such a blessing to us. 

It's hard to remember what life was like before having Grayson. I still find myself having the thought 'how is it possible that I have a child?' We made a person. A sweet little adorable person.

This whole parenting thing has been so much different than I ever imagined. And as much as I have learned about parenting, I think I've learned even more about myself. 

The phrase 'the days are long but the years are short' has never felt more true. There are days that I just don't want to be an adult...I want to sleep in, take a long hot shower and lay on the couch watching movies...but there are also days that I feel like I can't catch the special, sweet moments quickly enough as they are passing by. I debate between trying to capture the moments on camera, or just being in the moment and experiencing Grayson and who he is.

It feels surreal that this boy is ours.

We are thankful for the special day we celebrated his life and all that this past year held for us.

Our boy has turned into a fussy, non sleeping little boy who kind of made us question everything, and now he is a kind, loving little boy who sleeps through the night, gives the sloppiest open mouth kisses, says "ma" and "dada", he waves at everyone, snuggles us, claps and smiles so big with excitement about the smallest things. He is amazing! He is so special! We love him so much! 

Here's to year 2 with him... may we learn how to love more passionately, be more patient, embrace every moment, be present at all times.

Sincerely, Loo

What a beautiful thing.

We’ve made it over a year!  

Nursing has been so special, and so hard at the same time. We’ve shared special moments, sad, frustrating, painful, sleepy, tear filled, beautiful, and intimate moments during this breastfeeding journey. 

I never planned or thought through how long I would breastfeed my baby, I just knew that I wanted to do it. 

I never questioned it. 

We are now 13 months in, and I can’t imagine doing it any other way. I’m thankful that I stuck it out and that even through the hard times, we found a way to make it work.

From the moment the nurse laid my beautiful baby boy on my chest after a 54 hour labor, he snuggled right up and latched within minutes. How beautiful and incredible that our bodies just knew what to do. It still overwhelms me to think about it.

Although it seemed to start easy and quickly, within the next few days and weeks, we faced a lot of challenges. My milk came in which was painful for me and made it so hard for us to get a good latch. I was dealing with dryness and cracking (super thankful for Honest Co. nipple balm). He had a weird clicking when nursing which meant his latch was poor, I never felt like my sweet boy was getting enough milk, and I couldn’t keep him awake long enough for a full feeding, which then left me standing in the bathroom with tears running down my face having to hand pump to get some relief.  

We called a lactation consultant who was recommended to us and she came to our home and helped us work through some things and noticed that Grayson had a slight tongue tie. She said that it wasn’t serious enough to consult with a surgeon, but mentioned that taking him to the chiropractor may help. We were skeptical at first, but we did our research and felt confident trying this option.

At this point, we were nursing constantly, but still didn’t feel like Grayson was getting enough milk. We were up all through the night, at least once an hour, nursing. We were exhausted, feeling hopeless and frustrated. The chiropractor was our best shot. 

During our first visit, Grayson was adjusted, and he fell asleep  in my arms and slept for 3 hours, one of his longest stretches so far. The adjustments helped him so much and ultimately helped his latch and nursing became so much easier for us. 

The rest is almost hard to remember... he became great at nursing and started sleeping well. Nursing became second nature to us. I don't have to look and watch and help him, I just stick him under the blanket, and he finds his way. Whether we are walking around downtown, flying on a plane, at a major league baseball game, laying in bed... it's just easy and thoughtless now. It's enjoyable and special.

I'm incredibly thankful for the persistence, the blogs that I read in the middle of the night, the tears (from babe being rough) and the laughs (from babe tickling me and rubbing my arms while he nurses). It was a journey that seemed endless and impossible at times, but now at 13 months, I just feel thankful.

The Honest Company provides a really great formula and breastfeeding resource for any mamas looking for support!

Sincerely, Loo

Mom Life Part 2

I really dislike resolutions... but I like goals and being challenged. 
This year, I am challenging myself and setting a goal to stop comparing. 

It doesn't matter what phase of life I am in... I find myself comparing my current state with everyone else. Whether it's my friends, my family, the people I follow on Instagram. It's easy to see other peoples beautiful homes, jobs that they love, babies who sleep ALL through the night (this is a big one for me right now), their perfect hair, cute outfits...whatever it is... those are just snapshots of their life. Although I can't see it, I know that they have bad hair days, and their baby cry and don't always sleep, and that their job has it's ups and downs and that behind the image of their perfectly clean and decorated home, there are most likely piles of laundry and dust bunnies hiding in the corners. 
Because honestly...who really has a perfect life thats all put together.. not anyone that I want to compare myself to.

So this year... I will stop looking at everyone else's 'perfect' photos and thinking thats what I have to measure up to. I will stop trying to make every photo look perfect with the cutest smile on my babies face, and the perfect filter, making sure to crop out the messes and dust bunnies in my pictures. Not that any of that is bad, but I don't want to live life trying to be perfect...because I'm not!

 

This is what half of our pictures of Grayson look like... :-\ it's all about what you choose to post...

So here's my real life confession:

Over the last 6 weeks, my prayer life has hit an all time high! Which is amazing! But so challenging at the same time. I sit holding my screaming baby with tears running down both of our faces, crying out to God, asking for strength and patience.

Being a mom is so hard sometimes. I want to love my child well, God has entrusted me with this little human, to love him and take care of him. But honestly, without the Lord's strength, I couldn't possibly do it. Being a mom requires you to be selfless, to give up sleep, showers, makeup, nice hair, hot meals... not that you can't have those things and be a mom... but the reality is that most days (especially when daddy's at work) those are all second priority to keeping my little guy happy, fed and clean. Which is OK! (really I'm ok with this...I think)

AND keeping this little human happy means throwing all of my preconceived ideas of what raising my baby would be like out the window...and not feeling bad about it. There are certain things that people (including me before baby) have ideas about and are frowned upon that just don't seem to matter anymore.

Example:  I swore I'd never co-sleep. We got this sweet little bassinet and placed it next to the bed, and until recently, Grayson wouldn't sleep more than 30 minutes in it. When it comes down to it, I will let my nursing baby sleep in my bed if it means I get a 2 hour stretch of sleep compared to 30 minutes. He's getting better now and is slowly sleeping longer stretches in the bassinet, but he still co-sleeps too.

I think a huge part of parenting is simply trusting your gut. God has given us this 'mom instinct' that is so real. From the beginning, our baby has cried...A LOT. Everyone told me their baby cried too, and that it was normal... but my gut told me it was not normal and that something was off. Even my mom after seeing one of his fits said it didn't seem normal.
 It's another topic for another day... but I refuse to believe that Colic is a real thing...it seems to be what doctors diagnose when a baby cries and they don't know why. There has to be a reason why my baby screams for hours on end in the evenings though.

Although I was skeptical, we took Grayson to the chiropractor this week, and he's already had 2 adjustments. We have seen so many improvements. It's been proven that long labors and deliveries (our labor was 54 hours with 2 hours of pushing) can really take a toll on the baby.
Well, clearly something was 'off' for Grayson... and we're getting it fixed! 
He still cries and it's going to take time and more appointments, but he smiles more, he cries less, he seems happier...and that makes this momma happy! 

A lot of people asked me when I was pregnant, what I was most excited about... and I always said that I was just so excited to be mom...to be the one that could calm the baby and make them happy. When baby cries, mom fixes it. And it absolutely broke my heart that I couldn't do that for my baby... he cried relentlessly regardless of what I was doing. And we are starting to see this change...and it's amazing! 


So here's to 2016
...being real, being vulnerable and not comparing my life, my marriage or our baby to anyone else. I'll never be perfect...but heres to striving to be a good wife, momma and setting one heck of an example for my baby boy! May I only strive to be like Jesus...to love like Him, to serve like Him, and to be as patient as Him!!

Christmas morning... our first attempt at a family photo 

Christmas night... our second attempt at a family photo

Family photo SUCCESS! the day after Christmas...

Sincerely, Loo